Ninjababe's Ramble

Geography

Now, this is cool.

Can you place all the names of the countries in the middle east in the correct position?

(Link via The Corner)

I still have it!

When I worked as a reservations agent for a hotel chain, I could tell the state a caller from the south was calling from before they told me.

Today, a tourist came in to get a prescription filled. I knew he was from Alabama before he gave his address for our records.

Booya!

All Together Now!

How many of you can finish this quote and tell me the movie, scene, and characters involved?

"And, I thought they smelt bad ___ ___ ___!"

Ith and I can. In fact, we finished it together...

scary

Migraines

Personally, I think Excedrin Migraine sucks.

I had a migraine on Friday, so I decided to take some Excedrin.

Granted, adding caffeine to a pain reliever does increase the effect, but damn!

A pill of Excedrin Migraine contains 250mg Tylenol, 250mg Aspirin, and 65mg Caffeine. Normal Tylenol is 325mg, Aspirin 325mg, and a over-the-counter caffeine pill contains 200mg of caffeine (equivalent to about two cups of coffee).

And, a dose is 2 pills. After that, you can't take any more for 24 hours.

Well, they didn't work for me. I was going to freak out when that happened. After all, when you hear 'no more than 2 in 24 hours', you think that's all the pain medication you can take. However, I calmed down and was assured that wasn't so. So, as soon as I could, I popped a few Alleve. Much better!

And, in case you care: All Tylenol PM is Tylenol and Benadryl. In fact, almost all of over the counter sleep aids are nothing but Benadryl.

Excedrin Extra Strength is exactly the same as Excedrin Migraine.

Advil Migraine is exactly the same as Advil Liqui-gels.

But, the Migraine version costs more.

OK... I got that rant out of the way...

The Trials and Tribulations of a Monday Morning

Mondays suck.

Last week, my computer power strip died. So, until Friday (Payday), I have to unplug the extension cord that my entertainment center is on (that's the TV, VCR, Playstation 2, Super Nitendo, and stereo) in order to plug in my computer and monitor. So, I now have no sound, and I can't do what I usually do on weekends (have the computer up for email while I play a video game).

When I wake up in the morning, I have my stereo turn on five minutes before my alarm clock. Well, when the stereo resets, the alarm volume automatically goes to 20. The highest I ever play my stereo is maybe 8, and that's when I want to blare it.

Last night, I forgot to reset the volume for the stereo alarm this morning.

I went from sound asleep to wide awake in less than a minute. It took me only that long to turn my stereo back off.

Then, I was half-awake, waiting for my alarm clock to go off, when I heard snarling and barking. I grabbed my glasses and started to get out of bed. Then, I hear my dog's name yelled. I was out of bed and out the front door in less than two minutes.

Am I glad I wear sweat pants and a size XXXL flannel shirt to bed.

So, now, I woke up to the adrenalin rush from hell, and I think I may have a cut on my foot from running barefoot over gravel.

I say again: Mondays suck.

Lord of the Rings, Ninjababe Style

So... like I said... I have the beginnings of a LotR parody... Here's the prologue:

=====

Disclaimer: Lord of the Rings belongs to JRR Tolkien.

The Ring Lord
By Ninjababe

Las sabiduria se perdio
Much knowledge has been lost
Mais, je sais cette connaissance
Lost to the sands of time
Eu compartilharei deste conhecimento com você
Never to be heard of again
Per un prezzo…
Except for myth... (1)

The one ring is one of these myths.
The sole source of evil’s power in this realm
Created by the foul sorcerer Sauron one evening
In a fit of boredom from a soda can pop top.

After conquering all but a small corner of the world
He went to battle against an army of elves and men.
And, when it seemed as if he’d won over that last little bit
With his magic powers of pink and cuteness,
(He was the anime-big-eyed-awww-who’s-a-cute-puppy-then type of evil sorcerer)
Iseldor was able to pull the one ring off of Sauron’s finger
By using the broken shards of his father’s feather duster.

So, Sauron’s evil reign was broken.
But, Iseldor was betrayed
And the one ring fell into a river, never seen
For two thousand, five hundred years, seventeen days, six hours, and twenty seconds.
And, it rested at the bottom
Never rusting, always shiny.

Until a new bearer
Came along. A being named Gollum
Who took the ring deep into the Misty Mountains
(Which always smelled as if a group of chain smokers had just left the room)
And there, the ring changed Gollum.
Making him crave pink and frilly things.

But, evil pinkness was whispered about across the land.
And the ring psychically knew it was time to leave

But, then, something different happened.
A hobbit came along and took the ring.
(Hobbits are sensible creatures, never craving pink and frilly things. So, they were almost always immune to the ring).

And time passed...

Actual translations

Las sabiduria se perdio – Spanish for ‘Much knowledge has been lost’
Mais, je sais cette connaissance – French for ‘But, I know this knowledge’
Eu compartilharei deste conhecimento com você – Portuguese for ‘I will share this knowledge with you’
Per un prezzo – Italian for ‘For a price…’

Maybe more later...

And going...

Frodo: "Remember what Bilbo always used to say."
Nin: "Never pay a hooker until after services rendered. She's liable to take the money and scarper off."

It's elves! They're going to McDonald's. They can't get happy meals here anymore...

Every time I see the scene in Farmer Maggot's fields, I think of Children of the Corn... (I had to ask Ith how to spell Maggot "Is it like the little worm?" (makes wiggling motion with finger))

Oooo! I found the beginning of my LotR parody! This if frickin' hilarious! I didn't
realize I wrote that well... I'll post bits later.

It's a short cut!
A short cut to what?
Horse shit!

Frodo stares! Take a drink!

Ith says the black riders need the alnoids taken out or something... That, and they need some Claritin.

And, in the next olympic event, we have the 'Hobbit jumping onto the ferry' run.
And, the judges have their votes in...

Merry, Pippin, and Sam all got a 0, as they didn't jump so much as hop.

Frodo got a resounding 10 from all the judges for his wonderful, stupendous jump. Without staring, even!

Ehhh... Hobbits! Four hobbits! Nudge nudge wink wink. Lovely hobbits. Nice hobbits. Come to visit me, ave you?

Four hobbits? I was expecting N'Sync!

Named one of my cats Pippin was definitely a good idea. We say his name when he does something wrong the same way they do in the movie! He's the feline version of the hobbit... Even though he grew out of his big feet.

Bah... I can't multitask on more than two things... So... I'm sorry, but I'll have to end my comments now...

27th viewing and going

Ith and I are watching Fellowship of the Ring.

For the 27th time...

Some bits and pieces:

During the Frodo and Gandalf scene in the cart, we did our Frodo and Gandalf impersonations. I stared a lot, Ith did deep gaffaws.

We're actually saying the lines before the movie.

My father can make smoke rings. Granted, he can't make smoke viking ships... Well, he could, but I've never seen it.

So far, I need to take 3 drinks (I've seen Frodo stare three times so far).

My next birthday, I'm insisting on fireworks like at Bilbo's birthday party!

OK... Maybe more in a bit... but I'm going to post this so I don't loose it to one of those random Windows Blue Screens of Death [tm].

And, Ith is wandering around dancing as she does stuff... she scares me sometimes.

RRRRRRAWWWWWWWWWR!!!! (Sound effect for the firework dragon)

Woooo! Speech! Speech!

This movie is great fun when you're doing your own sound effects and character impersonations.

I do a pretty mean gollum impression. Hurts my throat though.

But, I definitely shouldn't sing the choral bits of the soundtrack... Ouchie!

Gandalf: "One ring to bring them all, and in the darkness bind them. Mwahahahahahaha!"

Well... my impersonation of Gandalf.

I really need to finish my LotR spoof...

"No one knows it's here. Do they, Gandalf?"
"Well, Gollum knows. And, there was this traveller who was looking for interesting information. And, then, there's my cousin Tom..."

"But, that will bring them here!"
Ith: [Scottish accent] "Ach, ya catch on quickly, lad, don't ye?"

Ith: You must leave the Shire and get to Bree... Then, we'll go to Las Vegas!

OK... this is getting long... Time for a new post!

Scotch!

The pharmacist today tried to talk me into working an 11 hour day today.

I pulled out my 1.25 liter water bottle and put it beside her.

"Sure," I replied. "Just fill that with single malt."

For some reason, she decided to send me home!

I'm Not Surprised

So which LOTR Villain are you? Hmm??
made by Michelle at EmptySpace.

What a shock... Not!

Thanks to Andrea for the link!

Today's Grimm Lesson

The Twelve Brothers

King says that when his thirteenth child is born, a girl, the twelve princes will be killed so the girl gets all the wealth.

The queen convinces the brothers to leave. They go deep into the woods.

The little girl grows up, finds out about her brothers, and decide to go looking for them. They end up living happily together. One day, she cuts twelve lilies to give to her brothers to show she loves them. Oops! That causes them to turn into ravens.

To save them, she cannot talk or laugh for seven years.

She ends up marrying a king. The king's mother convinced the king that his wife is evil and just as they're burning her at the stake, the seven years become up and she speaks.

The king's mother is put into a barrel of boiling oil and poisonous snakes, and 'she died an evil death'.

What I learned: Poisonous snakes can live in boiling oil.

The Brave Little Tailor

A tailor kills seven flies with one swipe of a cloth. He decides to tell the world, so makes a belt that says "Seven at one stroke!" and travels. Using his cunning he triumphs in many adventures (People believe he is referring to killing seven men with one stroke when they see his belt) and ends up married to a princess and owing half a kingdom.

What I learned: Being vague is better than lying.

And, that's the first 20 or so stories... More later.

(And, I'm thinking of making a list titled "Deaths and Disfigurements in the Brothers Grimm". If I do, I need to start it now, since I'm only 20 stories in...)

What the Brothers Grimm Are Teaching Me

Last weekend, I found a book containing the translations of the original Brothers Grimm fairy tales.

A few examples from the ones I've read so far (Follow the links if you want to read the fairy tale instead of the summary):

The Wolf and the Seven Young Kids

A goat had 7 kids. Went out to get food. Told her kids not to let the Wolf in. He'd eat the kids.

Wolf got in, ate 6 of the 7 kids whole. (7th hid)

Goat and 7th kid found the wolf asleep, cut him open, got the other kids out, filled his stomach with rocks.

Wolf drowned when he went to get a drink of water.

What I learned: Never eat your food whole. Chewing is good.

Faithful Johannes

Retainer gives his life so the king doesn't have to die. Retainer is turned to stone.

King, playing with his two young sons in front of the statue of the retainer (Who's named Johannes, by the way) says "I would do anything to bring you back to life."

The king heard a voice saying that if he cut the heads off of his two sons and bathed the statue in the their blood, Johannes would be free.

The king does it.

Johannes tells the king not to worry. He puts the kids heads back on their bodies and rubs their neck with their blood. They're healed an back to life.

What I learned: Never, ever say "I would do anything".

And, don't read these fairy tales in the original version before bed. That one gave me the heebie jeebies.

And, that's what has stuck with me through the first 6 of 279... Maybe more later.

And, as an aside, watching Fox News... The genitalia are one of the first parts of the body to go during decomposition.

Happy Easter!

(Thanks to Kel and Ith)

Shhhhh!

Today is the day that a new health privacy law, HIPPA, comes into effect.

At work, because of this, we have to be very careful on what we do with anything that has a patient name, prescription number, or anything else that is personal information.

So, for prescription bottles we either mark the name and prescription number out or cut it off with a razor.

Today, I had a choice... play with a black marker and 'color' or play with a razor blade.

Oooooo! Sharp objects!

Guess what won :)

I pulled out my own personal razor from my pocket and went to town...

And, the current running joke at work is "We can't talk about it. Shh! HIPPA!" We do that for everything from sports scores to where someone's pen disappeared to...

I'd prefer Elves, but this isn't bad...

Rohirrim


To which race of Middle Earth do you belong?
brought to you by Quizilla

Things I've Been Pondering...

What is the plural of pez?

How did 'faggot' become derogatory when it started out meaning 'cord of wood'?

How did 'fag' mean cigarette in the UK when it's short for 'faggot' which means 'cord of wood'? (Maybe they sold cigarettes corded together and it looked like a cord of wood...?)

I'm Never Going Into a Crosswalk Again

Today, I was walking around at lunchtime. After looking both ways, I saw that the car coming towards me was on the other side of a just changing traffic light, over a block away. So, I decided to cross the street.

The driver sped up. If I didn't have the habit of looking both ways like a nervous, twitchy habit as I cross the street, I would have been hit. She came so close, I felt the car move by me.

This is the third time in my life this has happened...

Idiot drivers... I could go into a big long rant with lots of cussing (in multiple languages even), but since it's now time to go home, I won't....

So, just because:

[rant would go here if I actually did one...]

Hurt

So, I finally got a copy of Johnny Cash's cover of Nine Inch Nails Hurt. First time I heard it, I just laughed... It was just so bizarre to hear it done that way!

Then, just now, I played it again.

Damn... this is just as depressing as NIN's version...

I have the urge to write now. Depressing, sad stuff...

Freaky...

Walked by a housemate's room, and she's watching 'Country Star'. The guy singing does not look like a country singer! He has multiple earrings, very spiky hair, a choker... He looks like he should be at a Korn concert!

It's freakin' me out!

Yet More Work Quotes!

Here's the next batch of quotes from work!

"I think she needs a fitting. And, just so you know, she's been naughty."
"Not by anyone here."
"Well, I don't think Tim McGraw is available. I can try though."

Chocolate chip cookies are lesbian foreplay!

"This is good! Mmmmm!"
"Is it better than sex?"
"Better than any sex I've had."
"That's not saying much."

I couldn't find any flowers, so I got you a mackerel.

"Oh, it's chocolate. I thought it was suppositories."
"Yeah, I have chocolate in suppository form."

[The UN Security Council] is blatantly full of bullshit.

Don't get in the way of my nuts!

Strike 29... 30 strikes, and your out!

The good thing about the rain is, when the sun comes out, all the flowers
are going to go Foof! Wind, carry my seeds! Foof! Procreate!

I have the urge to wrap my body in newspaper.

"Do you think I'm still contagious?"
"I'd kiss you."

I now own restraints!

We have a partial box of montgomery straps at work. We're never going to sell them, so I got to take them home.

What are montgomery straps, you ask?

They're tough sheets that you wrap around a persons wrists and ankles and fasten close with the adhesive on the inside of the strap. Then, you can tie that limb down onto the bed through the holes at one end.

So, I now own restraints.

Bwahahahahahahahahahaha!

Fear me!

[crackle][pop][crackle]

And, now, ladies gentlemen, and beings of neither gender, we bring you back to normal programming.

Whew!

That was fun!

Oh, and who knows, the mice and squirrels may show up again later...

One war ends, A new one begins...

In a shocking turn of events, the mice/TODDLE coalition and the squirrel opposition joined forces against a new enemy.

Ember, my cat.

Said I'd show those rodents Shock and Awe™, and trust me, as hungry as my cat always is, this will be a bloodbath!

Hah!

Those mice may have won a battle or two, but Ninjababe won the war!

beep beep beep beep beep

The squirrels, in a bold move, used directional sonics to knock out the coalition forces today. Then, they calmly wandered into the mouse and TODDLE camp. After freeing their squirrel comrades, the forces then painted the camp and coalition forces bring fluorescent yellow.

The coalition forces are now planning a retaliatory action. All that is known at this time, from an unnamed official in the TODDLE camp, is that silly string and caffeine pills are involved.

woof!

I think the title says it all...

And, a great site to go along with that! (Also, source of piccie)

(I thought she liked Aragorn! and Legolas!)

[She does! I think someone changed her medication]

{She's not on medication.}

[Oh, that explains it. She needs to be on medication. Shhh... Quiet...]

Did you hear something?

Posted by Ninjababe at 10:03 PM | Comments (0)

Latest Update

The Mice/TODDLE coalition is insisting that unless the squirrels turn over all their double A batteries as well as the coalition POWs, they will execute the squirrel POWs at dawn.

The squirrels say that if that happens, they will release the Nitrous Oxide bomb they have waiting.

How will this standoff end?

Who knows

(Who the hell cares?)

[Hey! I do! This is fun! Where's the popcorn?]

{Both of you, shush! You'll distract her and she'll know we're here. Remember, we're snubbing her!}

This just in...

The mice/TODDLE coalition, in a bold move, parachuted into the Camp Tantooine. Using anime and game action figures from an unknown source as a decoy, the mice were able to surround the defending squirrels and take them hostage.

The coaliton is now demanding a conference to discuss the trading of POWs.

News from the Squirrel/Mouse Coalition front

This just in... Five mice/TODDLE soldiers are POW and being held captive by the Squirrel invaders.

The Squirrels are denying aligations that the POWs are being forced to
watch Barney and polish nuts, as that violates the Geneva Rodent
convention.

"We are but eightscore young blondes and brunettes, all between sixteen
and nineteen-and-a-half, cut off in this castle, with no one to protect
us. Oooh. It is a lonely life... bathing... dressing... undressing...
making exciting underwear..." -- Today's Monty Python daily calendar
entry

Damn those mice...

I've caught the mice plotting with T.O.D.D.L.E..

I'm about to release Shock and Awe™ on their fuzzy asses.

Oooo! I know!

So, maybe I can convince the mice to go after the squirrels!

I'm suddenly having a Natasha and Boris moment... (Virst, we kill mouse
and sqwirrel, and ven, we conquer de world. [maniacal laughing with a
thick, fake Russian accent])

Squirrels

Squirrels have always scared me. And, now, my fear is justified!

Beware the squirrels!

(Thanks to Ith for the heads up.)

Damn those mice!

OK. That's it.

I've had it.

They've taken my batteries.

They've taken my action figures.

Now, this means war!

I will not give up my foundation brush!

No! I will not let them have it!

I need that to survive!

DIE MICE DIE!!

Pretty... Shiny...

I like pretty, shiny, sparkly things.

Especially pretty, shiny, sparkly, sharp things!

They're back!!!

The mice are back!

Now, the want my action figures!

I don't want to know what they need a bunch of anime and game action figures for...

Scary!

I wonder...

Sometimes I wonder... If I had voices in my head and didn't know it, does that mean they're snubbing me?

aaaaa! The Mice!!!!!!!!

The mice!

They're... They're parachuting from the ceiling!

Ahhh! They've got bayonets!

They're forcing me to give them all my double A batteries!

Run before they come for you!

RUN!

Happy April Fool's Day!

I think the title says it all...

Expect a few choice... 'tidbits'... through the day.

You never know what I'll come up with :-)