Ninjababe's Ramble

DEATH TO THE CAROLS!

OK, so today is the traditional start of the Christmas season.

Shopping, candy canes, all that good stuff.

If the radio station doesn't start playing normal music more often, I swear I'm giong to start growling.

Four out of five songs are carols.

It's the first day of the season, and I'm already getting sick of them.

[sigh]

I think I'm going to have to pull out my 'twisted' Christmas carol list and sing those instead.

I've already shocked people with "Twelve Pains of Christmas"...

I love twisted carols...

Women... Men...

At work yesterday, I was happily typing away, and the delivery driver came up to me. After nudging me, he nodded his head toward a female customer.

"She's gorgeous. Isn't she?"

I looked down at my body, looked at the driver, looked back down at my body, and looked at the driver again.

"Hello!"

The driver didn't get it. "What?"

"I'm a woman!"

The driver looked surprised. "Oh yeah. Sorry."

If it weren't for the fact that he buys me coffee, I'd kick him.

I may still kick him.

Dimsdale!

I love that Monty Python sketch... But, I seem to be in a minority on it... Nobody remembers it!

It's a running thread in an episode. Basically, an escaped criminal, named Dimsdale, is on the loose in London. He's deadly afraid of this giant hedgehog that's after him.

All during the episode, you see bits of animation showing a multi-story hedgehog popping up between buildings, calling out 'Dimsdale!'.

Very understated, but very hilarious.

I need to find the episode so I can buy that season to see it.

Of course, I need to buy all of Monty Python, because it's just all hilarious.

The fish dance

The Spanish Inquisition

The Dead Parrot

The Cheese Shop

Spam

Dennis Moore

The Lumberjack

Oh, I could go on for hours!

What a great series...

OK... enough reminiscing. Back to watching the Two Towers, Extended Version.

BOOYA!

Quote It, Baby!

And, the newest batch of work quotes (About a month's worth):

At a work dinner presentation:

If I suck the lime dry, is that bad?

If you want to suck my plate...

Blood... Must... Have... Blood...

I rubbed up ya.

This is the presentation that never ends. It just goes on and on my friends.

We insert it into a certain zipper?

She's not supposed to have knives... He thinks we're kidding.

=====

I may as well wear a button saying, "Please sexually harrass me".

What magic are you using to get the insurance company to reconize this, because I've done everything but moon them to get their attention.

I miss the days when all my spam was porn.

The caffiene was too rough on my stomach. So, now, I just grind some beans and snort it right up.

"I feel like I'm constantly putting a tape in, rewinding, then playing, every day."
"About?"
"My life."

There's something poetic about blood on snow.

"I have a knife."
"See, that whole phrase freaks me out."

"I'm going to go home and torture my child."
"Well, have fun!"

"Ooo! Ooo! Ooo! Can I have the dragon!? Can I have the dragon!?"
"I think I need to see a better dance first."
"Well, I can't take my clothes off at work."

She didn't kill anyone when she was here. Then again, we didn't have guns here anymore.

Hello everybody. I don't have a headache anymore.

"What's a Canadian cane?"
"Maybe it's a cane that's adapted to cold weather..."

Yeah, whatever. Eat my ass. Eat my ass? That makes no sense.

Will not type! Will not type!

Today you're almost too weird for even me.

The doctor could say the grass is purple and the sky is red. Does that make it true?

I have the feeling that my intestines are going to fly right out of my ass.

I can't feel my legs.
Here, I'll feel them for you.
It's using all of her super powers to stay glued to that chair.

If she doesn't get that chair shaped hemorroid off her ass, I'm going to yank it for her!

Real Pharmacy Call

I think I need to create categories for this blog. I'm going to need a category for something like "Real Pharmacy Stories". This definitely goes in that category...

A patient calls the pharmacy to talk to a pharmacist.

The patient wishes to know if it is ok for him, with a woman as the recipient, to use KY Jelly for oral sex.

Answer? "It's ok. Just, don't use gobs of it."

The replies we all wanted to make:

If you're having oral sex, why do you need KY Jelly?

Perhaps he needs Salviart, which helps moisturize a dry mouth?

We figure it's a crank call, but you never know...

(Now, to see what Goggle makes of this post!)

Damn it!

I have a head cold.

I just got my nose cleared up, I can breathe, all is good.

Then, I sneeze.

Damn it!

Stupid nose

I Am an Electronics Goddess!

Today, as I was walking into work, the store manager pulled me aside to fix his new cell phone.

It didn't matter that I don't own a Nokia, that I haven't messed with a Nokia in about three years.

I'm an expert.

Yes, I did end up changing his ring tone, volume, and voice mail settings. I also showed him how to unlock his phone and change it from normal ring tone to silent.

Then, later, a technician asked me to turn the alarm off of an electronic organizer she got about a decade ago. She wanted to send it in the mail to her daughter and didn't want it mistaken for a bomb or something because of the alarm going off.

That took me less than five minutes to figure out the menus.

Yes, I am an electronics goddess.

Worship me.

Instructions? We don't need no stinkin' instructions!

Bwahahahahahahaha!

Today's Foxtrot (Love that strip). Obviously, you have to have at least a basic understanding of HTML to get it, but pretty darn hilarious:

(Via Ith)

BOOYA!!

Starbucks has their Christmas drinks!

YES!

I can have my Gingerbread Latte again!

Freaked the people at Starbucks though. They were so used to me getting a Cinnamon Spice Mocha and I order a Gingerbread Latte.

I was so happy, I bounced up and down and danced in glee.

Last Weekend

So, Ith and I went on the Lady Washington last weekend. We got to sail in the san Fransisco Bay.

Here are the pictures from the trip, including my oh-so-beautious Halloween costume from the day before.

And, a partial quote list from the weekend. (I need to find the other half...)

Kill! Kill!

A margarita takes tequila, right?

He's drunk! Revel! Revel!

If you drink café diablo, you shouldn't drink a coffee mug full.

"What's going on out there?"
"They're performing a mating ritual."

"Breakfast at 530!"
"What?"
"We have to feed the cows! And the pigs! And the chickens! And... And...
the tigers!"

"I don't know where the whole farm theme came from."
"And make breakfast for the threshers! And slaughter a pig!"

"Can't I make Antonio Bandaras do any of that?"
"No. His job is to stand around and look pretty."

Silly child. It has no alcohol in it. We don't chug non-alcoholic drinks.

She’s like a happy little fairy in hiking boots.

But, no yiffing!

Oooo! Bad mental image!

I said ‘Fondle’! Fondle!

Never get between a woman and her hobbit.

Never trust a monkey.

No adventure is complete until you have a woman over your shoulder.

She’s melting things. That’s what I call real diablo!

Your petrochemical industries at work.

Full of petroleum goodness!

Look! One footed Riverdancing!

It’s kinda hard not to breathe when you’re trying to suck things in.

We drank melted plastic.

Absinthe has nothing on this!

Well, if there were any bacteria in our pipes, it’s dead now.

“It died a good death. Soaked in alcohol.”
“We should die so well.”

Oh! She’s groping!

I’m a lobster!

She’s trying to eat his mouth!

Smarter Than The Average Bear

I'm obviously smarter than most people at work.

They had a brand new can of air.

No one could figure out how to get it to work.

I rolled my eyes and pulled the top tab off.

Then, I pointed to the back, where it said "BEFORE USE: Pull small tab off of the top of the nozzle". I read it out loud very slowly.

Of course, they reply, "We were looking for the quick way!"

Reading the direction is the quick way! That's what they're there for!

[rolls eyes]