wordz = ["Time flies when you’re drinking.",
"Physics is easier to understand when your drunk.",
"I would never say anything mean. That bitch didn’t leave me a shot.",
"According to the DMV, sniffing this drink should make me inebriated.",
"You can be anything you want. You can be the lord of darkness... Oh wait, you already are.",
"That's the last time I buy anything just because it's furry. -- Lorelie, Gilmore Girls",
"Now, walk smooth. That is the new Harry Potter on your head. If it should drop, Harry will die, and there won't be any more books. -- Dance teacher, Gilmore Girls",
"Either I need to stop pointing guns at people or get a bigger gun. -- John, Farscape",
"The acting was so bad, it was just like watching 'Attack of the Clones.'",
"If I don't see something soon that cheers me up, I'm going to stick my head in the oven. Of course, we have an electric oven, so that wouldn't really work.",
"I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.",
"This is a problem for two minds and a single malt. -- Hector, Monarch of the Glen",
"I don't like fellows who kill me. -- Malcolm, Firefly",
"My kids have heads! -- Toby, West Wing",
"It's like we've released a panther. -- Mike, 'Mike's New Car'",
"You infected me with *mildew*! -- Greg, CSI",
"I ain't volunteering to pick shrapnel out of your boxers. -- Ling Ling, 3x3 eyes",
"I just love the smell of C4 in the morning. -- Ling Ling, 3x3 eyes",
"Yes, it's true. I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth. But they immediatly had to remove it to make room for my foot. -James, Pokemon",
"I think you managed to singe some of my leg hairs! -- Radditz, Dragonball Z",
"Nappa, remind me to look into getting you dewormed again. -- Vegeta, Dragonball Z",
"Being a good fiend is like being a good photographer. You have to search for the right moment. -- Vegeta, Dragonball Z",
"I am the worlds strongest Coffee Candy! -- Vegetto, Dragonball Z",
"\"Kakarotto! I'd rather die than fuse with you!\"<br>\"But Vejiita, we're already dead!\" -- Vejiita and Gokou",
"Stop making me repeat myself. It's bad for my health! -- Duo, Gundam Wing",
"We'll squeeze it in between throwing our hats in the air, and killing the elected town officials. Democracy in action! -- Xander, Buffy the Vampire Slayer",
"Good-bye, my friends. Thank you for teaching me to kill again -- Farscape",
"Have you ever met anyone you haven't killed? -- Roger Murtaugh, Lethal Weapon",
"If you want to torture me, spank me, lick me, do it. But if this poetry shit continues, just shoot me now, please. -- Rebecca",
"\"And there are times when I could really kill you.\"<br>\"Good! We will practice that after dinner.\" -- Remo and Chiun, Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins",
"Sometimes it's good to be scary. -- Anita Blake, Book Unknown, Laurell K Hamilton",
"If he really wanted to win the war, all he had to do was strip. I'd have put up a white flag and applauded. Embarrassing, but almost true. -- Anita Blake, Burnt Offerings, Laurell K Hamilton",
"The secret to finding something is knowing where it is. -- Tigger",
"Contact your Inner Dolphin - try a depth charge",
"All's fair in love and war, except of course if you launch a cruise missile at your loved one's home. That wouldn't be too fair.",
"Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.",
"Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.",
"My voices can beat up your voices.",
"Don't interrupt me while I'm talking to myself.",
"No sense in being pessimistic. It wouldn’t work anyway.",
"People like you are the reason people like me need medication.",
"I'm sorry. My fault. I forgot you were an idiot.",
"To save time, let's assume I know everything.",
"If you're not evil, why do you look like hell?",
"5 out of 4 people have problems with fractions.",
"I live in my own little world. But, it's ok... they know me here.",
"OH CRAP. You're going to try and cheer me up, aren't you?",
"Who flung poo?",
"If I got smart with you, how would you know?",
"Some see the glass as half empty. Others see the glass as half full. I just wonder who the hell is drinking my beer!",
"Keep watching. Maybe I'll do a trick.",
"I used to care, but now I take a pill for that.",
"If you can't say something funny about someone, don't say anything at all.",
"The world is a strange place. Let's keep it that way.",
"There's one in every crowd, and I'm it.",
"My imaginary friend thinks you have mental problems.",
"There's too much blood in my alcohol system.",
"\"You haven't aged a day.\"<br>\"I bathe regularly in the blood of virgins.\" -- Gandalf and Bilbo, Nin's version of FotR...",
"All shall love me and despair! -- Galadriel, Fellowship of the Ring",
"\"You are without doubt the worst pirate I've ever heard of.\"<br>\"But you have heard of me.\" -- Norrington & Jack, PotC:Curse of the Black Pearl",
"\"You're the one they're hunting. The pirate.\"<br>\"You seem somewhat familiar. Have I threatened you before?\" -- Will & Jack, PotC:Curse of the Black Pearl",
"\"I make a point of avoiding familiarity with pirates.\"<br>\"Ah. Well, it would be a shame to put a black mark on your record. If you'll excuse me...\" -- Will & Jack, PotC:Curse of the Black Pearl",
"\"You threatened Ms. Swann.\"<br>\"Only a little.\" -- Will & Jack, PotC:Curse of the Black Pearl",
"\"Who makes all these?\"<br>\"I do! And I practice with them ... three hours a day!\"<br>\"You need to find yourself a girl, mate!\" -- Jack & Will, PotC:Curse of the Black Pearl",
"\"Or, perhaps the reason you practice three hours a day is that you already found one, and are otherwise uncapable of wooing said strumpet. You're not a eunuch, are you?\"<br>\"I practice three hours a day, so when I meet a pirate, I can kill it!\" -- Jack & Will, PotC:Curse of the Black Pearl",
"\"You cheated.\"<br>\"...Pirate!\" -- Will & Jack, PotC:Curse of the Black Pearl",
"\"We're gonna steal a ship. That ship?\"<br>\"Comandeer. We're gonna comandeer that ship. Nautical term.\" -- Will & Jack, PotC:Curse of the Black Pearl",
"\"One question about your business, boy. There's no use going. This girl.. How far are you willing to go to save her?\"<br>\"I'd die for her.\"<br>\"Oh, good. No worries then.\" -- Jack & Will, PotC:Curse of the Black Pearl",
"\"This is either madness or brilliant.\"<br>\"It's remarkable how often those two traits coincide.\" -- Will & Jack, PotC:Curse of the Black Pearl",
"\"Everyone stay calm! We are taking over the ship.\"<br>\"Aye! Avast!\" -- Jack & Will, PotC:Curse of the Black Pearl",
"\"What did he make the rope with?\"<br>\"Uh, well...\"<br>\"Human hair. From my back.\" -- Will, Mr. Gibbs, & Jacl, PotC:Curse of the Black Pearl",
"Do us a favor...I know it's hard...but stay here, and try not to do anything...stupid. -- Jack, PotC:Curse of the Black Pearl",
"You forgot one very important thing mate... I'm Captain Jack Sparrow. -- Jack, PotC:Curse of the Black Pearl",
"Stop blowing holes in my ship! -- Jack, PotC:Curse of the Black Pearl",
"\"Thank you, Jack.\"<br>\"You're welcome.\"<br>\"No, not you. We named the monkey Jack.\" -- Barbossa and Jack, PotC:Curse of the Black Pearl",
"\"Who are you?\"<br>\"No one! He's no one! Distant cousin of my aunt's nephew. Twice removed. Lovely singing voice though. Eunuch!\" -- Barbossa & Jack, PotC:Curse of the Black Pearl",
"\"So that's it, then? That's the journey of the infamous Captain Jack Sparrow? You spent three days, lying on a beach drinking rum?\"<br>\"Welcome to the Caribbean!\" -- Elizabeth & Jack, PotC:Curse of the Black Pearl",
"\"Why is the rum gone?\"<br>\"One: It is a despicable drink that turns even the most respectable men into complete scoundrels. And two: I've created a column of smoke that rises a thousand feet in the air. My father's ships will be combing the area. Do you think there is even a chance they won't see it?\"<br>\".... but why is the rum gone?\" -- Jack & Elizabeth, PotC:Curse of the Black Pearl",
"...but why is the rum gone? -- Jack, PotC:Curse of the Black Pearl",
"There'll be no living with her after this. -- Jack, PotC:Curse of the Black Pearl",
"A wedding! I love weddings. Drinks all around! -- Jack, PotC:Curse of the Black Pearl",
"\"Is Elizabeth safe?\"<br>\"Yes, she's safe as I promised, she's going to marry the Commadore as she promised, and you're going to die for her as you promised. You see we're all men of honor, except Elizabeth, who is, in fact, a woman.\" -- Will & Jack, PotC:Curse of the Black Pearl",
"Me, I'm dishonest, and with a dishonest man you can always trust him to be dishonest. Honestly. It's the honest ones you have to watch out for, because you never know when he's going to turn around and do something incredibly stupid! -- Jack, PotC:Curse of the Black Pearl",
"\"Down to the depths with them that thought o' 'parley'.\"<br>\"That'll be the French.\" -- Pirate & Jack, PotC:Curse of the Black Pearl",
"You want pain? Try wearing a corset! -- Elizabeth, PotC:Curse of the Black Pearl",
"If anyone even thinks of 'parley', I'll have their guts for garters! -- Pirate, PotC:Curse of the Black Pearl",
"I don't let strangers piss on my carpet, and I refuse to let them piss in my webspace."
];
function getRandomText() {
var rand = Math.round(Math.random()*(wordz.length-1));
document.write(wordz[rand]);
}
